I’ve Been Pretentious…

Edit @ 12:32 PM CDT, Aug. 9, 2012: I have removed an image that was originally associated with this post due to an issue brought up in the comments below. The words on that image apparently belong to poet Shaun Shane, something I did not know at the time of posting and had I known I would have either chosen not to post it or posted full author links and credits as I have always done in the past. This has been deleted due to a copyright issue I never intended to breach. My sincere apologies if this has upset the author in any way.

As a side note, I am glad this was brought to my attention by the people who claim to be the publisher of this work because as a writer myself I would never want anyone to use my work without my knowledge or credit. However, one comment or email would have been plenty for me to correct this issue, and I have done so within minutes of that comment being submitted. The second comment that attacks my integrity as a writer is not appreciated nor is it tactful. I strive to be fair and ethical in every way I can in the way I conduct this blog and will continue to do so. Thank you to my readers for understanding.

Remember when I officially declared myself a writer? I think it was a bit arrogant of me to do that.

Found via Pinterest; not created by me.
(Credit will be updated if original post is found.)

I used to say I wasn’t a writer. That was because I dreamt about it every day, but I never did anything to make it happen. I never stepped forward and tried. I just knew I wanted to.

Then I met people. Participated in NaNoWriMo. Made 98th place in a poetry competition. And yes, that meant I was a writer! I had to declare it to the world! I was “platform building” after all. I was joining fancy social networks and telling people on my blog how to write. I had elaborate schedules. I did things like Twitter that I didn’t even like because that’s what today’s writers do and if you’re going to be anybody then you better be “in the know”.

You know… confidence sucks. That kind does anyway. I look back on who I was with that confidence and I don’t like it. It was all stuffed ego and self-importance. Too much focus on sounding exactly like all of the bloggers, indie writers, agents, and platform builders told me to instead of just doing my thing and letting that shine on its own. I was so busy sounding all writerly that I wasn’t writing. And I hadn’t even made anything of myself yet. Oh my.

Now I’m back to not being certain whether or not I’m a writer. But this time the uncertainty feels more liberating than the confidence before ever did. It’s no longer uncertainty about whether or not I will ever sit down to write and worry about trying to become “famous”, instead it’s uncertainty about whether or not what I’m writing is the truth I’m trying to express. Whether or not I’m being true to myself. Whether or not what I’m putting on paper is worth reading. Whether it will have an impact.

I have a handful of larger stories to tell, but this last year of conferences, contests, networking, how-to’s, platforming, and soul-searching decisions have taught me something: I’m not meant to be that famous NYT bestseller. I don’t know if the world will ever know my name. But I know what I write, why I write, and the peace that I feel as I write. And because of that, I know what I’m doing is right.

I won’t deny that I would love to make enough money from writing to quit my day job. I would love to see a book with my name on it tucked away in the shelves of Barnes & Noble. I hope, one day, that maybe a single person will come up to me and say, “I know you. I’ve read you. Thank you.” But there’s a key to dreaming all of this…

I’m happy even if it doesn’t happen.

I am a poet. I will do my best with every piece I write to earn that title. I promise to never be false in my confessions even if you as the reader are not certain what I am confessing. I promise to give you my best and work to make my best, better.

I’d rather my words finding meaning with a few, than riches with the many.

Suddenly all I care about is taking my life one step at a time and writing down that which is pressed upon my heart. I want my words to be my legacy.

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6 thoughts on “I’ve Been Pretentious…

  1. I don’t write for fame or riches, I write because that’s what brings me bliss. You have to do what your soul wishes, not what you imagine you’re supposed to be doing. If you love facebook, do that, if you hate Twitter, stay off of it. There are so many people out there telling us what we HAVE to do ~ that’s all BS. The only thing you have to do, my darling friend, is be true to yourself. Don’t do anything that makes you feel like a fraud or pushes you beyond your comfort level. That’s not to say that in a year or two you can’t change your mind and want to be the biggest social media star ever. Life is ever changing, our wants, needs, and dreams even are malleable.

    Follow your bliss. It will never lead you astray.

  2. You have posted Tongues Made of Glass a Poem by the Poet Shaun Shane without Permission and uncredited on you on this blog. This is On Press Inc. the Publisher of Shane’s work. This poem was just featured by the Invisible Childrens Organization ( KONY 2012 )and Knopf Publishing along with Tumblr for National Poetry month. You must remove the post immediately or credit the Author in plain View. Here is a link to a legal online posting of the poem :http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/04-tongues-made-of-glass/

  3. This is On Press in relation to Tongues Made of Glass by Shaun Shane which you have used without permission. It is illegal do not mention unethical for you to use another’s work without credit. We have forwarded your posting to our copyright attorney. Know that On Press aggresively pursues copyright infringement of our authors works, which is our legal and ethical responsibility. On a personal note for someone who wants to be a writer, as you claim, no publishing company would ever publish anyone who is known to plagerized another’s work, as it would tarnish thier own reputation. On Press Inc.

  4. Love the pinterest pic!! Right on girl!! Writing isn’t about sounding the way someone else tells you to sound, people love to read for that person’s message and their own personal “voice.”

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