As the sun falls tonight the new year begins, and with a new year comes an all new blog. Thank you for being so patient with me for the past month and a half as I cleaned and organized all of the old content in preparation for what you see now. May the next year treat us all well.
Samhain is sacred to me. It is the new year of my ancestors, the mark of the harvest, of letting the old die and starting the hearth fire anew. It is when I do my best to let the upset of the prior year fade away. As the final few days lead up to Samhain, I find myself naturally reflecting and beginning to let go. Sometimes it’s painful, but for a few moments in time I always find freedom from myself.
In years past I have set a list of goals for the year. I’m a list maker. It’s what I do. I make lists, and overanalyze lists, and edit lists, and rarely get much of the list done. It’s a habit that serves only to hurt me as my lists are constant reminders to myself that I am not good enough. In reality I know this is not true, but I set myself up for those feelings time and time again.
This year I am taking a different approach. A healthier one.
I want to read books. I have neglected them too long. So I will read. Without a numerical finish line to achieve. Instead of documenting how many books I still have to read to meet a goal like I’ve made in the past, I’ll document the books I DO read. Simply because.
I want to take photographs. I want to take both cute and meaningful photographs. So I will try to be more mindful of having my camera with me. Of following through. And I will do my best to continue to organize my existing archives. But without a deadline.
I want to write poetry. So I will. Without contests and submissions in mind. Whatever I feel inspired to write, I will write. And if from that portfolio I can submit some of my work to journals and contests, that’s a happy bonus.
And finally, most of all, I want to follow my heart. I want to chase those moments, those experiences, that I have not let myself have, whatever the reason that may be. This year that means finally going ‘home’. Finally setting foot on Japanese soil. For a short time, I can chase the homesickness away and go to the one place my heart aches for every single day. But before I can do that it means surrendering to spontaneity and a whole host of unknowns, in faith that I’m being led to exactly where I need to be. I don’t know what waits for me there, but I trust it. It will be everything I need it to be, even though I don’t know what that is precisely.
Here’s to the year of freeing me from myself. Of taking all that I’ve learned about myself in the last few years and letting it go.
Here’s to discovery. And trust. And love. And purpose.
Spirits and faith guide me…